Chapter 5 - Back to Square One

So, I've been out there. Been dating. And back to square one. I met a couple guys who found me on myspace and dated briefly. Let's see, we'll start with a guy who looked really good in his pictures. We instant messaged quite a bit and then decided to meet. I invited him over to my house and grilled out and had a movie that we were going to watch together, one that he really wanted to see. Everything seemed great with this guy except that he had 4 kids and lived with his sister (he told me that his house had a fire and he was forced to move in with her). He told me he was a manager at a local pizza place, but then he told me he delivered pizza's which was part of his job as a manager, then later he told me he was a shift leader. He showed up at my house in his car with the pizza sign afixed to his car. He was wearing a leather jacket that looked 20 years old as there was barely any actual leather left on it, it was very faded. But worst of all, he had monster teeth. His teeth were all jagged and they were BLACK. I think he must have been in too many fights and the teeth that were mostly chipped off were all black from being dead. He was a nice guy, and I could see a slight potential for me to fall for him, but it was just so slight. I just don't think I could kiss a guy whose teeth were soooo bad. I didn't respond to any more messages from him.

Next guy I met also found me on myspace. This guy was a college educated guy, a CMC programmer. He seemed to have a good job and seemed very nice. His pictures on myspace indicated he had a large family and was a very family oriented guy. He was in shape and really quite buff. When I talked to him he mentioned how he took his mother to church every Sunday and that he had recently broken up with his fiance. I asked to meet him for a drink one night but he said that he had just paid bills and wouldn't have extra money to go to a bar but instead invited me to come hang out at his apartment which had a pool and we could have a few drinks and hang out at the pool. I agreed but told him that if I drank too much that I would have to stay on his couch. That was agreeable to him. I did go to see him and we sat up and had a lot to drink and sat and talked most of the night. I really enjoyed his company and I didn't sleep on the couch as it was. I did find out that night though that he was incapable of having sex after drinking. We did actually have sex the next morning (if you call it that). It was almost the worst sex I have ever had (the first would be with a guy I went to high school with who's penis was no larger than my pinky finger - guys pay attention, drugs and cigarettes really do stunt growth). This guy though stimulated himself to arousal by (I'm not kidding here) humping my leg. Believe it or not, the sex wasn't the worst part of dating this guy. I decided (I guess I was pretty desperate by this point) to try to make things work and continued to see him. Much to my chargrin, he had a very low self esteem. He constantly text me to ask me why I liked him and if I was sure that I wanted to be with him. After seeing him for 2 weeks and being bombarded with self esteem boosting text messages I finally put my foot down and told him that no, I didn't want to see him anymore. He politely replied that he understood (at least he was a gentleman - or so I thought). Then I got the inevitable text message to relieve me from any guilt for breaking up with him, one night he text me asking me if I wanted to fuck. WTF??? I didn't even want to go out with this guy, what in God's name made him think that I would ever want to have sex with him again??

On to the next I suppose. He had also found me on myspace. This one was about 8 years my junior which is really ok with me. The way I see it, guys die before women and younger guys typically have a higher sex drive. I'm down with it. Well, me and this guy got together just once before he told me he had to go out of town for a job (he was a contractor for a huge home surplus store where he worked to set up their display sections). I had a great time with him the first date, we played pool (I actually held my own against him even though my game really sucks), and then off to a bar where we could have talked all night, and then I invited him home with me. I loved his company but the sex was very brief. I didn't even come it was so brief, like under a minute. I understood though that it had been a while since he was with a girl. So, he was out of town for a few weeks for this job and while he was out of town we just text briefly. I checked his profile on occasion only to find out that he had been adding girls to his friends list. Ok, I wasn't going to date another myspace whore. I decided not to let it bother me and even agreed to let it go. When he was back in town we went out to dinner and then back to my place for drinks. Sex was pretty much the same, quick draw mcgraw. I sent him an email soon after that telling him that I didn't want to see another internet whore. He let me know very politely that the girls he added were his sisters that he found on myspace and that he would never try to cheat on me but he understood why I would want to stop seeing him. I felt bad after that but was relieved that I didn't have to not have another orgasm with him again.

Ok, so now I'm really wanting to just find a boyfriend who I click with. I signed up for yahoo's dating service which advertises it's free to sign up. It's in the small print that it's free to sign up, but you have to pay a membership fee to interact with anyone. Within 2 days of signing up I had over 20 responses. Damn. That's awesome, until I realized I had to pay a membership fee that I couldn't afford to pay. Nothinig going on there.

I continued searching out the "free" craigslist ads and one night (again after much to drink) found a guy who sounded perfect. I had seen his ads plenty of times before. He was always just looking for someone to hang out with in my neighborhood. Then the next morning he was always posting he was just looking for someone to go see a movie with. On this particular Saturday night I noticed he hadn't posted his usual movie buddy ad that morning, so I replied to his previous email about finding someone to hang out with. I asked why he wasn't looking for a movie buddy. We started communicating through email, then through instant messenger, and then on the phone. I was a little buzzed and open to it. We talked a lot and even planned on meeting up the next weekend. As fate would have it, we never got to meet. He had to go out of town for a job (what is up with these guys who have to go out of town to work??). We continued to talk quite regularly and I even offered and planned on picking him up at the airport when he came back into town 3 weeks later (even though I had to use an occurrence at work and call in sick for a guy I hadn't even met in person yet). I checked his pictures out on his myspace page and I already thought he was attractive, also intellectual, wrote poetry, and just had a great personality, his pictures on myspace though showed that he had a pretty good beer gut that wasn't evident in any of the pics I had seen of him on craigslist. I didn't care though, I really liked talking to this guy. When I told him I would pick him up, I told him I would take him home and he protested and said instead he wanted to come home with me that night. I assumed since he had been gone so long that he would want to go home. He said there was nothing at his house for him and he would rather spend the time with me. I was pretty elated and looking forward to meeting this great guy in person. To be honest with you, I was looking forward to getting laid. I had swore off all other men after I started talking to this guy (I even had another much more eligible guy find me on the internet (his profile reported that he made $125-$150k a year) but I blew off this other guy because I liked the one who was out of town for a month. I was so excited and looking forward to meeting this guy but then... We talked on the phone one night and I told him how excited I was to see him and all of the reasons why I was so excited (one of them was to get to know him biblically), he told me that he might not want to have sex with me. This came as a huge shock to me as I'd already had phone sex with him twice. I couldn't understand why he was dismissing even the possibility of having sex with me. I was pissed. I told him so and asked him why was I even picking him up and bringing him back to my place to spend the night. He responded that he could get another ride from the airport and I advised him it would be best to do so. I emailed him a couple times after that, sent him an invite to a Halloween party that I had already invited him to (hoping he would come and we could make up) but he was a no-show. When I emailed him the party invite I put as the subject line for him to not open the email. He used the same line to make a new cl ad and even throughout the message used I guess reverse psychology telling the reader of the ad to not contact him I guess in hopes that they would. I replied to his ad telling him it was plagarism for him to use my line and that I should sue him and I made sure to include lol to let him know I was just kidding. I have since then seen another ad he posted and this time he is searching for a skinny brunnette with long legs. Now, as much as I think he is good looking, he's NOT ALL THAT that he should be dictating that he's looking for a skinny girl with long legs. I didnt bother responding to him, guess he will find out when he doesnt get any responses that he is asking for too much. I am just going to leave him alone now.

Well, now as promised in the heading, back to square one. So I was bored and pmsing and extremely horny. I text messaged my fuck buddy. I had seen him a month before, he had text me out of the blue and at first I was reluctant to get together with him (I was on the rag and still talking to the previous guy). I told him I wasnt interested in hooking up. After I found out that there was no chance of me hooking up with the previous guy I text my fuck buddy back to tell him I was just on the rag and would like to get together. We did and it was just as incredible as always. My fuck buddy is very passionate. He knows exactly how to kiss and touch to make it a wonderful experience. Even if his cock wasn't involved I would probably still get off with how great of a lover he is (well, maybe that's not entirely true, but damn close). He told me he was working bartending as a side job and he had to work on Halloween. I told him I was off on Halloween and thinking of having a party but not sure. I decided to go ahead and have a party, actually two parties - one for my best friends on Saturday and one for all my work friends who had to work on Saturdays and that one was on Sunday. I sent my fuck buddy an invite but he was a no show. I was pretty disappointed because I really wanted to get it on with him. I text him later in the week to see if he wanted to get together but he had to work. He text me the next night, well actually it was the morning after the next night - at 5:10 am. He asked me what I was doing. It was November 1st, and I had already been passed out for a few hours, was on the rag, and asleep. I waited until the next morning to text him back at around 3 am to let him know that I was on the rag and was passed out by the time he text me. I told him that if he wanted to just see me then I could come over the next night (Nov 2) to hang out and I had a movie I wanted to watch with him as I was too scared to watch it on my own. He replied that I should bring it over right then and there. I reluctantly agreed and found myself at his apartment at 4 am. We started to watch the movie but ended up talking through it all. We then started watching another movie and went to bed. This was the first time I had spent the night with him at his place, only the second time ever that I had spent the night with him. While we were awake we talked a little bit about movies and he told me he wanted to see a movie that had just come out and we actually made plans to see it together. I don't know yet if this is an actual date or just a couple friends going to see a movie together. We made out the next morning (there are ways to make out even when you are on the rag, just let your imagination run wild here). Previously in the night I had asked him in a text if he would ever let me come to hang out at his bar while he's working and let me spend the night with him. I told him I didn't want to interfere with any of his action that he might be getting while he was working. To my surprise he said ANYTIME. So, now we have plans for me to come see him at work this Satuday and spend the night with him, and then we have plans to see a movie together on Sunday night. I'm very concerned about these turn of events. I realize that I still have a lot of feelings for this guy and have no idea how he feels about me. I had recently joined a free dating website and have gotten a little interest from it and may have met some potential boyfriends. My biggest fear is that, as one of my closest friends have reiterated to me, that I won't even try to meet someone else while my fuck buddy is still in my life. Anther thing is that even if my fuck buddy has decided he wants to get serious with me, do I even want him??? I don't want to be his consolation prize becuase he couldn't find someone "better" from his classified ad on craigslist. I think I might resent that and that could stunt any possibility of having a relationship with him if I feel resentment about that. I think that I will just have to set the record straight with him and tell him that I will be available to him as long as I am single, but don't plan on staying single. I guess I don't know where I am going at this point, but at least I have a happy ending in the meantime if ya know what I mean. Well, this is Keri, still single and still looking (I think). Over and out.