Chapter 7 - Potential???

Well, I haven't been true to my last post. I haven't gone out, well I have but not to meet people, more to help a younger friend celebrate her 21st birthday but the whole night I ended up talking about my fuck buddy (or former fuck buddy). As things have turned out, I sent my fuck buddy a couple messages to let him know that I do not hate him (as he thought I did), but in fact I care a lot about him. I let him know that I will always be his friend but I will get mad and disappointed and if I think he's being a jerk I'll call him out on it, but other times (like New Years Eve I might just be disappointed and get pissed off at him for no good reason). I'm a pretty rational person and know that he didn't tell me for sure that he would make it to my party, I just really hoped he did and of all of my guests; he was the only one who really mattered that came to me. Well, that's not true, I cared about my good friends showing up, but he was the one person on this great planet Earth who I really wanted to spend New Years with and was extremely disappointed when he didn't show up. I apologized to him in the messages for being a bitch as I obviously had been and told him that no matter what, even if he thinks I hate him, I don't . I also made sure to tell him I would always be there for him no matter what, even if he thinks I hate him I will be there for him. I included that I knew how much he wanted to retrieve some belongings of his from a storage space in Arizona and that I would like to for his birthday in March help him get his stuff back. After 2 long drunk messages to fuck buddy and a text to let him know about the messages I had sent him I passed out from the large quantity of alcohol I had consumed. The next morning I woke up with text messages from him asking if I was awake (obviously not, I was passed out by then) and the next text told me he was just thinking about me the night before. We text for the better part of the day before he asked me in a text if I would consider going on a road trip with him. I told him yes before I knew where we were going but assumed it was to Arizona to get his stuff. I was right. We made all of the plans and worked out renting a cargo van and getting time off from work and set it all in stone.

The next week we were on the road for a 4 day 3 night trip to Arizona. We spent the first night in a run down hotel and passed out from exhaustion of driving and me being up for over 30 hours from working the night before we left. It was not a good time of the month for me so nothing happened unfortunatley. By the second night we were in Arizona and he had made arrangements with his mother for us to stay at her house (in seperate guest bedrooms). His mother was very nice and took us out to breakfast the following morning and also took us to the grocery store and bought us lunch meat and bread for the trip back. She even gave her son (my fuck buddy) a George Foreman grill and then offered to give me a set of wine glasses. I refused them and told her that my fuck buddy (her son) might like them, but I didn't need a gift, it was nice to get away from the cold temperatures in my town for nicer weather. Soon we were back on the road headed home.

The third day we drove quite a bit, until 3 am. My fuck buddy and me had gotten into a small arguement about whether we should drive straight through or not. He wanted to just make the whole trip and I wanted to stay at a hotel. I needed a shower and sleep. I gave in and let us drive straight through but he stopped at a hotel I had picked out knowing that I was tired. We showered and slept, well he slept anyway. Not long after he crawled into bed with me he scooted close to me and it wasn't long after that I felt his arm around me. We spooned for most of the few hours that we had the hotel together early that morning. Paying for that hotel was the best money I had ever spent. When the wake up call came at 7:30 that morning I answered it and then lay back down and he again put his arm around me and pulled me close to him. It was heavenly. I guess my friends are right, all other men will forever be spoiled for me as long as he is in my life.

Even though I didn't get any sleep I was rested enough to continue the drive. He drove the first 2 hours and I drove most of the rest only turning over the wheel for the last 2 hours. It wasn't until we were close to home that he mentioned how he would like to go on a road trip with me for fun and not for a purpose as this had been mostly a recovery mission to get his stuff out of storage. He even told me about how much fun it was to play frisbee golf and agreed to teach me how to play. We had a great trip and talked and laughed a lot. I was sad it was over. I know that there is more to come with the fuck buddy. We are planning a fun trip together, well, I guess more of a vacation really. We have plans to play frisbee golf, and he's even offered to bring a blanket back to me and the wine glasses that he insist that I take that his mother gave me. I text him after I got home just to say cheers as I told him I would be making a drink and knew he had bought a bottle of wine. He text me back a kiss (muah) and told me thanx again. I guess I still have no idea where this is going to lead but I like him a lot; hell, who am I kidding, I love him, he's worth waiting for. I have been careful not to push the envelope, haven't contacted him for the last 2 days because I know he's been busy. He took off work Friday to go through his stuff and he had to work all day today. I guess when he has time he'll get back in touch with me. I know he's a hard person to get close to but I think I'm breaking down some of his walls. I guess for now I'm just going to sit back and see how things play out. I want to say that I won't be too disappointed if sparks don't fly, but I guess I know myself too well. I'm sure I'm just setting myself up to be heartbroken again but those are the risks you have to take with any relationship. If it doesn't work out or he's just not as into me as I am him then I will just need to move on and hope I don't meet another text guy or bad kisser or even worse, bad lover. Well, this has been Keri, over and out and still single.

Chapter 6 - Familiar Territory

Hello readers. I haven't written much in a while because there really hasn't been anything going on in my life in the dating world and I guess there still isn't. I decided to delete my last blog because parts of it were completely presumptuous and I didn't think that my words were fair because they were based on feelings and not actual facts. I had gotten kind of upset in the month of November with my fuck buddy because the only time I ever heard from him was at 3 am on Saturday nights after he had gotten off of his part time job as a bartender and had a few drinks. I had presumed that he only wanted to see me when he couldn't find someone else to go home with him but I know that was a completely unfounded accusation. I guess I should have been happy knowing that every time he is home at 3 am and he's in the mood that I'm the one he is texting wanting to see. It seems he never has time to see me any other time and by the time he gets to texting me I've already had a few drinks myself and can't make the drive to see him. I was a little pissed off at him for a while but knew he had to work on Thanksgiving night at the bar and felt bad for him as he doesn't have much family to speak of except for a few minor children who would be spending the holiday with their mother, I sent him a text message to tell him Happy Thanksgiving, even if he was a butthead. His reply was Happy Thanksgiving sex ass. One of the following weekends we were texting and I had found out after I had consumed much to drink that he was sober so I invited him to my place. He told me he had a shitty week and didn't feel like making the 30 minute drive. Upon hearing about his shitty week I called him right away to discuss what was going on with him. Apparently he had to much to drink one night and wrecked his car. The police weren't involved so he didn't get a dui, but his car was totalled. I came up with the idea that as I work 3rd shift and am off 4 days and 3 nights every weekend that he could use my car when I wasn't working. He called me on this and after spending a few weeks renting a car he started borrowing my car on the weekends when he needed it for his sales job. I also made sure to buy him a few Christmas gifts that I knew he would enjoy and took him a plate of Christmas dinner to work at his bar as he was stuck working Christmas night. He seemed eternally grateful for the 3 weekends that he borrowed my car before he finally bought a new one. We had also become pretty close in the few weeks as every time I loaned him my car he had to drive me home and I had to drive him home when he dropped it off which meant spending about an hour a week with him. He was telling me about things he was going to do, taking his daughter out for her birthday, a van he wanted to look at to buy (which he did on New Years Eve), just normal everyday stuff as if we were a couple. The only problem was we weren't having sex at all. I had text him early in the month of December before he started borrowing my car to let him know that I didn't expect anything out of it and we could just be friends and I don't know if that's why he hasn't made a move with me, but I didn't want him to feel obligated to sleep with me just to borrow my car. There was no reason for him not to borrow my car; if he didn't borrow my car he would have had to pay for a rental and then wouldn't have had money for his kids Christmas presents. As much as I loved spending time with him and seeing him all the time, I was in hell. I guess I'm a masochist to volunteer myself to loan him my car and see him so often when I know I have so many intense feelings for this guy and he will never want to settle down. He had mentioned to me on one of the trips to or from mine or his house that there were a few girls at his bar who had husbands and boyfriends that kept trying to get him to have sex with them. He said he would never do it because he would have to see their husbands or boyfriends when they came into the bar and he wouldn't be able to look them in the eye. I joked with him about how much of a stud he is to have all these girls after him (he is very hot). I had invited him to many events over the past year including the party he came to, the Halloween party that he forgot about (or he thought it was a different weekend), to my brothers house for Thanksgiving and to my moms for Christmas (both Thanksgiving and Christmas he had to work), and then I also invited him to my house for a party on New Years Eve. I knew he was off that night and he told me he would probably come as the only other thing he had to do was go to the bar where he worked. He didn't show up at my party much to my extreme disappointment so after all my friends had left my house I started texting him. I told him so he decided to go to the bar and hang out with his skanky bar groupies. I'm sure I text him a few other things but that was the jist of it. I don't remember what his reply to most of it was but I got a text the next day from him that said "wow, you really don't like me do u?". If only he knew. So I'd turned off my cell phone for 3 days and found something else to occupy my time and I found that in reading. I found a series of books that I was so into that I didn't do anything else for all of last weekend while I was off except read. I read 3 and a half books in the 3 days that I was off work and I finished the series which had 8 books altogether. I didn't know what else to do now that I'm done with that series but much to my surprise last night I got a text from my fuck buddy (if I can even call him that since we haven't had sex in 2 months now). He just said "Hey Keri, how are u?" I replied that I was good and asked how he was, his reply was just tired. Not really open to much discussion. I guess even though I know I completely overreacted on New Years (I really didn't have a right to get mad at him, he hadn't told me he was definitely coming to my party), he still wanted to be in my life. I know he's only been back in town for a couple years now and prior to that he had lived in Arizona for a long time. I know he doesn't have a lot of good friends in Cincinnati and I'm sure he knows how much I care about him (evidenced from me loaning him my car every weekend, buying him Christmas presents, I even bought him groceries when I was afraid he might not have anything to eat). I guess I think he might just have problems opening up to people and has always had these problems since school. He doesn't continue to see people long enough (usually because he never calls the girl again from what I've heard) for people to care about him and maybe I'm something new to him. In the time he's opened up to me he's told me about how fucked up his life was when he was a kid moving around a lot and that his mom abused him, I guess he was hit a lot. I'm still very confused about our relationship but I guess for now we're backing away from the fuck part and just going to be buddies. You can really never have too many friends. One of my best friends though warns me about this relationship as she knows all other men are spoiled to me as long as my former fuck buddy is in my life. I guess I won't just sit idly by and take a vow of celibacy while I wait for this guy to finally wake up and realize that maybe he does want to settle down. I'll go out and meet people and flirt, but I guess I know even if I see other guys he will always be in the back of my mind. Well, that's really all that's been going on in my dating life. This has been Keri, still single and still looking. Over and out.