Chapter 6 - Familiar Territory

Hello readers. I haven't written much in a while because there really hasn't been anything going on in my life in the dating world and I guess there still isn't. I decided to delete my last blog because parts of it were completely presumptuous and I didn't think that my words were fair because they were based on feelings and not actual facts. I had gotten kind of upset in the month of November with my fuck buddy because the only time I ever heard from him was at 3 am on Saturday nights after he had gotten off of his part time job as a bartender and had a few drinks. I had presumed that he only wanted to see me when he couldn't find someone else to go home with him but I know that was a completely unfounded accusation. I guess I should have been happy knowing that every time he is home at 3 am and he's in the mood that I'm the one he is texting wanting to see. It seems he never has time to see me any other time and by the time he gets to texting me I've already had a few drinks myself and can't make the drive to see him. I was a little pissed off at him for a while but knew he had to work on Thanksgiving night at the bar and felt bad for him as he doesn't have much family to speak of except for a few minor children who would be spending the holiday with their mother, I sent him a text message to tell him Happy Thanksgiving, even if he was a butthead. His reply was Happy Thanksgiving sex ass. One of the following weekends we were texting and I had found out after I had consumed much to drink that he was sober so I invited him to my place. He told me he had a shitty week and didn't feel like making the 30 minute drive. Upon hearing about his shitty week I called him right away to discuss what was going on with him. Apparently he had to much to drink one night and wrecked his car. The police weren't involved so he didn't get a dui, but his car was totalled. I came up with the idea that as I work 3rd shift and am off 4 days and 3 nights every weekend that he could use my car when I wasn't working. He called me on this and after spending a few weeks renting a car he started borrowing my car on the weekends when he needed it for his sales job. I also made sure to buy him a few Christmas gifts that I knew he would enjoy and took him a plate of Christmas dinner to work at his bar as he was stuck working Christmas night. He seemed eternally grateful for the 3 weekends that he borrowed my car before he finally bought a new one. We had also become pretty close in the few weeks as every time I loaned him my car he had to drive me home and I had to drive him home when he dropped it off which meant spending about an hour a week with him. He was telling me about things he was going to do, taking his daughter out for her birthday, a van he wanted to look at to buy (which he did on New Years Eve), just normal everyday stuff as if we were a couple. The only problem was we weren't having sex at all. I had text him early in the month of December before he started borrowing my car to let him know that I didn't expect anything out of it and we could just be friends and I don't know if that's why he hasn't made a move with me, but I didn't want him to feel obligated to sleep with me just to borrow my car. There was no reason for him not to borrow my car; if he didn't borrow my car he would have had to pay for a rental and then wouldn't have had money for his kids Christmas presents. As much as I loved spending time with him and seeing him all the time, I was in hell. I guess I'm a masochist to volunteer myself to loan him my car and see him so often when I know I have so many intense feelings for this guy and he will never want to settle down. He had mentioned to me on one of the trips to or from mine or his house that there were a few girls at his bar who had husbands and boyfriends that kept trying to get him to have sex with them. He said he would never do it because he would have to see their husbands or boyfriends when they came into the bar and he wouldn't be able to look them in the eye. I joked with him about how much of a stud he is to have all these girls after him (he is very hot). I had invited him to many events over the past year including the party he came to, the Halloween party that he forgot about (or he thought it was a different weekend), to my brothers house for Thanksgiving and to my moms for Christmas (both Thanksgiving and Christmas he had to work), and then I also invited him to my house for a party on New Years Eve. I knew he was off that night and he told me he would probably come as the only other thing he had to do was go to the bar where he worked. He didn't show up at my party much to my extreme disappointment so after all my friends had left my house I started texting him. I told him so he decided to go to the bar and hang out with his skanky bar groupies. I'm sure I text him a few other things but that was the jist of it. I don't remember what his reply to most of it was but I got a text the next day from him that said "wow, you really don't like me do u?". If only he knew. So I'd turned off my cell phone for 3 days and found something else to occupy my time and I found that in reading. I found a series of books that I was so into that I didn't do anything else for all of last weekend while I was off except read. I read 3 and a half books in the 3 days that I was off work and I finished the series which had 8 books altogether. I didn't know what else to do now that I'm done with that series but much to my surprise last night I got a text from my fuck buddy (if I can even call him that since we haven't had sex in 2 months now). He just said "Hey Keri, how are u?" I replied that I was good and asked how he was, his reply was just tired. Not really open to much discussion. I guess even though I know I completely overreacted on New Years (I really didn't have a right to get mad at him, he hadn't told me he was definitely coming to my party), he still wanted to be in my life. I know he's only been back in town for a couple years now and prior to that he had lived in Arizona for a long time. I know he doesn't have a lot of good friends in Cincinnati and I'm sure he knows how much I care about him (evidenced from me loaning him my car every weekend, buying him Christmas presents, I even bought him groceries when I was afraid he might not have anything to eat). I guess I think he might just have problems opening up to people and has always had these problems since school. He doesn't continue to see people long enough (usually because he never calls the girl again from what I've heard) for people to care about him and maybe I'm something new to him. In the time he's opened up to me he's told me about how fucked up his life was when he was a kid moving around a lot and that his mom abused him, I guess he was hit a lot. I'm still very confused about our relationship but I guess for now we're backing away from the fuck part and just going to be buddies. You can really never have too many friends. One of my best friends though warns me about this relationship as she knows all other men are spoiled to me as long as my former fuck buddy is in my life. I guess I won't just sit idly by and take a vow of celibacy while I wait for this guy to finally wake up and realize that maybe he does want to settle down. I'll go out and meet people and flirt, but I guess I know even if I see other guys he will always be in the back of my mind. Well, that's really all that's been going on in my dating life. This has been Keri, still single and still looking. Over and out.